Lauren and Gareth's Wedding

Owen and Julie in the UK

France 2013.



 

Russell left Perth on 15 April 2009, flying via Brisbane to Los Angeles. The flight had to make an unscheduled stopover in Honolulu because a woman passenger had a breast implant explode, adding a few hours to the flight time. On the flight, he met a lady from California whose son has backpacked around Australia. She helped him arrange an itinerary and also gave him contacts all over the USA that he could visit. Fortunately, Russell is a very sociable young man and is comfortable in anyone's company. Turns out this ladies husband is the Director of the TV show "My Name is Earl", and after visiting LA, San Diego and San Fransisco, he is on his way to Santa Barbara to stay with them. Should be a blast for him.

OK, now it is over to Russell. I have pasted his descriptive emails here.

 

A fair amount has happened in the last few days, one of the most interesting being the flight over here. It started out pretty rough due to me being really sleepy, then waiting 5 hours in Brisbane was rather boring. However things picked up on the way to LA. I was seated next to an American woman whose son had backpacked around Australia so she was helping me plan my trip. Now she is setting me up with lots of people to stay with around the US. Yep, things are working out. Kinda surprising because I spent most of the ~20 flight hitting the bundi. As we were flying over Hawaii a woman's breast implant burst so we had to take a detour to Hawaii for an hour.

When I arrived in LA I was tired from not sleeping for a few days. After looking on the net it seemed as though the hostel was only a few blocks away so I decided to walk. However in reality LA is so incredibly huge that my estimated 2-3 blocks turned into 25-30 blocks. Through a bad neighbourhood to make it slightly more epic.

When I got to the hostel I slept for the day, woke for 2 hours, then went back to bed at the normal time of about 11pm. That kinda put my cycle back on track, although I'm currently the first one to wake up in the morning.

As I said before, LA is huge. As such getting around without a car is silly. I've mostly been hanging out at the hostel (which has a heated pool) and making the start of this adventure more of a relaxing holiday. Today I plan to head to San Diago where I will meet up with the woman from the plane's son and hopefully go to one of those massive frat parties I have seen in movies. I was supposed to be picked up by some girl and taken to San Diago last night, but she couldn't find the hostel. This wasn't too bad for me because I had already paid for my night here.

Note to people coming to LA. Have a car and a GPS.

San Diego started a little sketchy but I guess that's the price you pay for avoiding all prices. I got a lift from some english guys down to San Diego, going via Venice beach in LA. While wandering around Venice beach a kid overheard me talking and started telling me about how cool Australia is and everything. That was pretty interesting. From there is was a road trip for 2 hours.

Once we got to pacific beach (9 miles north of SD) I was dropped off and called Ari (male), who I am staying with here. Unfortunately he was heading to an away game for lacrosse and I had to wait a few hours. The beach was really nice, but I was in pack horse mode, so I didn't get to appreciate it as much as I could have. After reading my map wrong, I wandered south to San Diego city, thinking it was only 1.5 miles away. After 3 miles of walking I realised my mistake and set off back to where I started. The sun went down before I got picked up, meaning I got asked if I was selling drugs more than a few times by random passers by.

From the beach we went back to Ari's place to drop off my bags and then head out to a gathering with his lacrosse team and the girl's team and some of their friends. Instant popularity was gained when I walked in carrying a bottle of vodka (of which I was glad to be rid of after walking 6 miles with 2x 1L bottles weighing me down) and then again once we started playing beer pong. I had beginners luck and wiped the floor with my opponents, making them think that I had played it before. I met a girl there who lives in Santa Barbara and invited me back there once everyone is on holidays (which I believe I accepted). After a fun night which finished far too early, we went back home to crash.

Sunday I went to the City but I wasn't overly impressed. I may have been just wandering around Perth (which also happens to be the sister city of SD). I have a feeling I will need to hang around other groups if am to enjoy the cities America has to offer.

Unfortunately the students I am staying with are about to have their midsemester exams so I am heading to San Francisco tomorrow. It is only $70 to fly there so I figure I may as well. No one has said anything good about any place between here and Texas (including Texas) so I have decided to stay in California a bit longer.

It's been a while, but that's coz I've been rather lazy. I continued my fast food tour of the USA in San Francisco, totaling 11 different places in about 7 days. After my third heart attack I decided to postpone the rest of the challenge for a healthier option. But don't worry, I'm going to hit it again when I get into Texas.

Anyway...
San Francisco:
Definitely the jewel of California. Kicks the pants off the other cities. Very hilly for excellent viewpoints, as well as working the calves (which have turned back into steel). Also sooo many things to do. I mostly wandered around because I don't want to repeat myself too much in September, but even skipping the main attractions such as Alcatraz kept me occupied and amused. The kiwi I met in LA came up to run around San Fran with me, then the English guy who gave me a lift from LA to San Diego rocked up at the hostel. Was a rather wacky reunion, full of promise, but when we all went out it was with some other guys who scared away all the womens. Ah well.

Santa Barbara:
Caught the Greyhound down to SB with the English guy and wandered around for the day. Had lunch with Jenn (who I stayed with last time I was in town) which was nice (and healthy), then got a room at the monopolistic hostel for one night. I went out with some of the guys from my dorm to find cheap drinks nights at most of the bars. $3 margaritas to start with, then when that went quiet we went to another place with $3 Jager blasters (the pansy brother of Jager bombs). The red bull went down a treat because I hadn't slept the night before because the heating in the night bus down here was broken. It was quite an interesting night because it seemed all the bar chicks were 'working' their way through college.

West Lake:
The next day (after another night of bugger all sleep) I took the train to West Lake, a small town north of LA where Wendy from the plane lives. Unfortunately 'My Name is Earl' was not shooting so I didn't get a chance to see that, but they just got their contract renewed so they will be shooting in September when I plan to roll through town again. My West Lake adventure can be divided into 5 parts.
1 - Cycling (on Jason Lee's (Earl's)) racing bike around town for a 22 mile trip. We rode past lots of huge mansions and ranches, even a man made lake with houses crammed onto a center island (they use boats to get to and from their front door). Really worked the body too. Note that racing bike seats are much harder than the nice and soft mountain bike seats I am used to.
2 - Tennis. Me and Wendy against 2 old ladies. We lost the first set 6-4, and after realising that these women play 5 times a week and could easily take me in the long range game, I resorted to dirty tactics and won the 2nd set 6-2. All those bastard drop shots that only the most agile and speedy people can get to.
3 - Farming. Yep I helped Wendy out at their avocado and lemon grove at their new property. We drove around on quadbikes but unfortunately had to fix a huge amount of damage to the sprinklers. We were there for about 4 hours in the end, but riding around on the quads made it worth it.
4 - Wolverine! Hooray I went and saw it. Used my student card to get a discount too. I enjoyed the movie. Some differences to the comics, but it was still fun.
5 - Hiking up a mountain and getting a great view of the area. We did it in the middle of the day so it was rather hot, but definitely worth it for the views.

Now I just got off the night bus from LA to Tucson (the wild west part of US). Lots of cacti everywhere.

Righto I forgot to mention the 'incidents' that have happened to me so far...

The 'Tomato' incident:
I was in a burger place and the picture next to the cheeseburger had tomato and lettuce in it. I asked the girl at the counter whether it did in fact have tomato and lettuce. She had no idea what I was talking about. I asked a second time, slightly slower, but still she had no idea. Then it clicked. My third attempt was "does the cheeseburger have towmaytow and lettuce in it?" She understood that one.

The 'Tipping' incident:
While in a different burger joint, I ordered a meal (burger, chips, drink) and as I was pulling out my money the guy slyly shifted a cup towards me, clearly asking for a tip. I am led to believe that tipping in the US is somewhere between 10% and 20%, however my way of doing things is to round up to the nearest dollar, then let them keep the change. In this case the meal was $5.73, leaving 27c for the tip. I put the shrapnel in the cup and gave it back to the guy, who looked at it in disgust. So here is me hoping they dont spit in my burger for tipping too little. It was only later that I realised the cup was to fill up my drink from the dispensers, and that you dont have to tip in fast food places. Oops.

On a related note to the tomato incident, I have changed my accent back to "speaking to people who know english as a second language" which makes everyone think I am from London. I have had far too many people not understand me when using my normal aussie accent.

 

I know, I know. It's been a while between drinks. Anyway Tucson (or Tuscan to me, it sounds cooler) is a nice little desert city with mountains on one side and Mexico on the other. Pretty small as far as a city goes with only 3 skyscrapers, but reflected the current status of US cities of being a sprawl. The hostel there was ok, although lots of live-ins. On the plus side I met two Norwegian girls who were adventurous enough to follow me to the Sabino Canyon on public transport (thus saving a bundle of money). The problem was that the $2 day pass for the public bus only takes you to four miles away from the canyon, so we wandered along the highway for a while until we got there. Also it was midday. Multiple applications of sunscreen later, we arrived at the canyon, although my view of american males has dropped significantly since the experience. On the bus the girls had every guy on the bus gawking at them, and when the two people on the seats behind them left, two guys from the seat behind them moved up to get closer. Pretty sick.
 
Anyway enough bitching about wankers. We got to the canyon and caught the little train through the canyon, then went for a hike around the trails there. Was pretty stunning scenery. Of course after all that hiking to and around the canyon, none of us were really partial to hiking back to the bus stop. We managed to hitch a lift with a woman and her son, although the ride was incredibly awkward because she kept offering us stuff. First it was bottles of water, then it was cactus candy, then $20, then a bag full of muesli bars. We kinda caved in and accepted all but the $20, but damn I can't believe she tried to give us money for hitching.
 
Anyway I have to go shower and check out. I'll get back to you soon.

 

So after the Norwegian girls left I called Wendy's brother and he took me to South Tucson (latino area) to an awesome Mexican restaurent which Bill Clinton went to. I got the President's platter which was soooo much food all piled up on this large plate. Didn't end up finishing it but I got to take the rest home with me, which then supplemented a few more future meals. On coming back to the hostel I met the most Aussie guy ever (from Brisbane) and I was able to set my accent back to aussie. We organised to meet up in Flagstaff in a few days. Wendy's brother (I cannot remember his name for some reason, but I can't leave the computer to go check) offered his place to stay at which I readily accepted. His house is really cool. The wife was out of town to we invited the neighbours over and had a bit of a boys night with muchos beer. The next morning we went hiking up around Sabino Canyon again, although this time it was made much easier having a car. We climbed up one of the ridges which looks over the canyon, giving some amazing views. The rest of the day was pretty chilled out.

The next morning I caught the greyhound to Phoenix where I had organised on the net to rideshare my way up to Flagstaff. For the second time this trip the girl who was supposed to pick me up got lost and it took a bit longer than expected to get out of Phoenix. Luckily she did show up after multiple phone calls asking cabbies for directions and a few hours on the clock. It was a fairly uncomfortable ride mentally for me with the girl not seeming to be the greatest driver in the world. However, fate smiled upon me that day and I made it to Flagstaff in the same condition I left Tucson.

 

Flagstaff is a nice little town rather close by to the Grand Canyon. That night I pulled out my big bottle of vodka which I wasn't allowed to drink at the Tucson hostel. Did I tell you about my haul from Westlake? Well anyway I bought 1.75L of vodka, 1.8kg of jellybelly, and 500g of kettle chips (I have a photo of it all) for pretty cheap at one of those bulk shopping stores where everything comes in huge sizes only. So I pull out my vodka and make a few friends. The crappy drink we used as a mixer was pretty bad so I drank slowly, keeping Russell 2 at bay for the night. The next day I organised to go hiking with a girl from Montana which was pretty cool. We climbed up a large mountain which gave us 360 degree views from the top. The problem was that it is a fairly high elevation (~9000 ft) so I had to have a lot more breaks than I am used to. It feels a bit weird knowing you can go harder but your body just won't let you.

The next day I hitched a ride with a guy from LA to the Grand Canyon, leaving at 4:30am to try and catch the sunrise. Unfortunately we were about 15 minutes late, but the sight of the canyon was still absolutely breathtaking. We hiked/drove around parts of the canyon for most of the day, even sighting a condor, but after a while it kinda just became another hole in the ground. Kinda like an art gallery where you can really enjoy it for an hour or so but after that it all looks the same. It usually costs $25 for a week pass but the hostel had a spare one which people bought a few days earlier. We just told the girl at the ticket office that the two other people on the pass had left town.

The next night was pretty crazy. 25c drinks. At a rugby bar. Earlier that day Kyle, the aussie guy from Tucson, rocked up so we were ready to hit the town. We roll in to the pub and I asked the barman what the most popular drink is, to which he anwered "whiskey coke." The maximum number of drinks per transaction is two, so I got myself two whiskey cokes for 50c. We immediately met up with some yanks who play rugby here and things started to get a little nuts. We ended up making me the new fly-half (the only position I know in rugby) for the team so when I went to the bar I asked for four drinks and got them. The time for 25c drinks finished after eight whiskey cokes, although I do remember giving one away to someone I thought was at the hostel (although later turned out to be some random girl). Things were still ok at this point, but soon afterwards one of the rugby guys (the actual fly-half) bought me a jug of this green drink which had a can of redbull on top. I have since come to the conclusion that redbull will be the death of me. A few sips later and Russell 2 makes an appearance, leaving me with a few flashes of memory past 10:30pm of me dancing with a group of people, then me outside talking to some people who I could have sworn were from the hostel (everyone in my mind is from the hostel).

I wake the next day with "Mia's bar 5:30" written on both my arm and my hand. After piecing together most of the puzzle that was the night before (getting kicked out of first bar, then going to a second, then going home) I decided to lay low for the day in case anyone recognised me. After hiding until 5:30 I discovered that Mia's bar is across the street from the hostel. I headed there at 5:30 hoping that the people I was supposed to meet would remember me, because I had no idea what to expect. When I walked in there was a small group of people who waved me over and it turns out they are students at the university there. The only reason I met them is because Russell 2 physically walked into them the previous night, then managed to talk his way into meeting them the next day for another drink. I decided to only have one beer, but it was still cool to hang out with some locals.

The next day I joined two girls in their road trip across to Texas, making my trip much cheaper at the cost of my sanity. One was ocker and the other was a scouse. The things I do to save a buck.

 

Austin, Texas:
This is the student city of Texas. I luckily got the last bed in the hostel for the night however the greyhound station, while normally right in the middle of downtown, is out in woopwoop. Some other travelers helped me get the right bus and by sitting right near the driver and asking where my stop was, I managed to get there ok. As the bus went over a bridge I saw millions of bats flying out from under it, creating dark, swarming clouds in the sky. I got in to the hostel and quickly started to socialise in order to find groups to go out with. Austin is known for its nightlife and I was eager to check it out. Unfortunately most of the people there were either leaving really early the next morning, or they were there for drug trials, as in getting experimental drugs for pharmacuitical companies. About an hour in the English people I beat to the hostel rocked up and were turned away. This is the problem with only having one hostel in the most touristy city in Texas, then filling it with guinea pigs. Ah well, the others stayed in a motel and then went to New Orleans.

The next day was just me and a guy from Istanbul wandering about the town. We went to the university there and tried to get to the top of one of the really tall buildings, but were turned away at the top by a rather disgruntled security guard because we were trying to get into the dean's office or something similar. In downtown I discovered an underground bookstore which is dedicated to conspiracy theories in the US. Pretty awesome for me. They even gave me a free dvd copy of "The Obama Deception" which was pretty cool. After passing the time we made it back to the bridge for dusk and met up with some other Aussies, one of who was having his last night in the US. After watching the million bats again from up close, we went and hit the pubs, which are all conveniently located on the same street, all right next to each other. I shouldn't have to tell you what happened next. Russell 2 got smashed, kicked out of a pub, hitchhiked home, then sent everyone emails. The next day was spent recovering/laying low. The next day I caught the train 22 hours to New Orleans.

New Orleans, Louisiana:
I made it to New Orleans rather disgustingly after 22 hours on the train, and then walking the fairly long distance to the hostel instead of taking the trolley for $1.25. After a decent shower and putting my clothes in for a wash, I went to get one of the giant sandwiches that everyone seemed to be talking about. I also met up with the English people from Dallas. After a bit of peer pressure from the others, I got into some drinking games then hit the town with the others. I didn't end up having a drink while out, which allowed me to bust a groove on the dance floor. Unfortunately I was wearing my thongs so my feet weren't too good the next day, and I was without Russell 2's ability to just wander away from the group. We took a taxi home which cost us $1.50 each, which made me decide it was far cheaper and convenient to take cabs everywhere (something I would be hard pressed to say about Perth).

The next day I went with the English guy I met in Dallas, and 2 of his friends to some guy's party in Jackson, Mississippi. I was told that it was a pool/bbq party, so I was expecting it to be pretty huge. We hire a car and road trip it up north, only to find out there are about 10 people there, with me being the only one who doesn't know the guy whose gathering it is. Fortunately I brought along a mini koala so I gave it to him as a present. After that it wasn't too awkward. That night the 4 of us went to the guy's house to crash, but not before watching a movie the guys picked up somewhere in their travels, "Sharks in Venice." It was a good thing we were drunk, and that none of us were taking it seriously, because it is one of the worst movies I have ever seen, although that made it hilarious. Not something I could watch alone, otherwise I would just feel sad that I had wasted 2 hours.

The next morning we continued the road trip back to Louisiana to Baton Rouge, where we stayed with another of the English guy's friends. This guy was really cool and took us on a big tour around the city and surrounding areas. We didn't see any alligators, but ah well. It turns out all the governors of Louisiana have been really corrupt. There is even a statue outside the capitol building of one of the governors standing above the building to show that he is bigger than the state. We also did a tour of a "haunted" plantation, which was pretty fun. That night we went to a pub down the street from the place we were staying and mingled with the locals. I got into a group of college people but they left a bit before closing time. When I met with the others they had a bunch of girls with them, which was all good by me. On the other hand, no one except for one girl was in any state to drive, so I quickly grabbed a spot in her car. We followed the other car, watching as it got some air going over the train tracks. When we got to their place we got talking and I made a comment about the tipping system in America, which one of the girls took as a personal insult and started abusing me, which I didn't take too kindly to, which ended up as a rather spiteful night. One of the other guys from our group had some weed and got all paranoid that this was all a plot against him. Soon after we got a lift home (from the sober one) but without the paranoid friend because he refused to trust anyone. The next morning he showed up at about 6:30 and we headed back to New Orleans a bit after that.

Back in New Orleans I mainly chilled out at the hostel pool. I managed to get a fairly large group to play Marco Polo for close to 3 hours straight. We also played a lot of volleyball which was pretty awesome. I taught people some of the drinking games from home but they had a lot of trouble with the counting games so it ended up being mostly pyramids. On one of the days after, I went back into town with 3 American guys and 2 English girls. We went to Cafe du Monde, down Bourbon street (in the day time it is rather filthy) and then went to check out one of the cemetaries, which are famous in Louisiana because it is all crypts and stuff due to the swampy ground bringing all the buried bodies to the surface. Unfortunately the cemetary we went to had closed an hour earlier, and some drunk guy came up and offered a secret way in plus a tour. 2 of the yanks accepted and jumped over the wall with the guy. The rest of us waited on the corner for them to return, but no sooner had they jumped over a cop car rolled up and the cop started questioning us about them. Apparently we were right next to the projects (dodgy apartment buildings for poor people, I think) and he thought we were there to buy drugs. After a bit we explained that the others had gone into the cemetary for a tour. It was pretty funny when the cop asked the other yank where he was from (South Dakota) and upon hearing he did the biggest rolling of eyes I have seen. He must really have a poor impression of South Dakota. In the end he called up some reinforcements and they climbed over the wall after the others. They came out about 20 minutes later and on the trolley home we found out that the tour was actually pretty good until the cops came in and threatened to shoot/tazer them.

The last big night we had out was with a guy from California who was on a business trip. The guy looked like he was from Superbad and he was hilarious. We went down Bourbon street, getting pretty wasted, and then he took the group into a strip club. It was pretty dodgy. The 'dancers' were either too fat or too thin, the too thin ones with weird pouch-like stomachs hanging out when they tilted forward. Not a good first impression of a strip club. Back onto the street we had guys from balconies throwing necklace beads down to girls who flash their breasts. At first I was all "That's pretty sick" but then I realised 50% of the girls going past actually did flash for them. It's their choice I guess. Needless to say there were beads flying everywhere. The girl in our group flashed, then wandered off (she had another guy from our group with her and he was responsible, so the rest of the group went to more pubs). When we finally got back to the hostel it turned out that she had brought a guy back, and that night she slept with him, waking the next morning in a pit of regret. The next few days she was crying her eyes out, went to confession, and kept asking people whether they thought she would have caught an STD. Fun times.

A few more Po-boys (giant sandwiches) and some more relaxing days in the pool later, I caught a ride to Houston to meet up with Lauren (my sister).